Odd confession: I love writing eulogies. Even before I fully stepped into life as a Funeral Celebrant, I’d often jump at the chance to help friends and families craft a eulogy. Peoples lives are so fascinating - and being tasked with putting words around someones entire existence is an epic task and a deep honour.

I’m mindful that this isn’t the case for most people. Writing a eulogy can feel like a very daunting task - how do you capture an entire lifetime in just a few minutes? But a eulogy isn’t just a list of achievements and accolades - it’s a chance to truly tell their story. To hold up their extraordinary ordinary life and say: “Yes! We see you - and all you were - and all you did - and all you’ve done. THIS is the essence of your life and THIS is the legacy you have left and THIS is how you will be remembered.”

So, if you’ve been asked to prepare the eulogy for a loved one and simply don’t know where to start: here are my tried & tested six tips to craft a eulogy that feels personal, heartfelt, and alive with the unique, brilliant essence of your person:

1. Research: Collate the Key Dates & Details

Starting with a blank page can be overwhelming - I get it. So it’s important to begin with what we do know.
Sketching out the main dates and details of their life creates a really strong scaffolding - a timeline that will give you structure. From there you can then begin to weave in the stories, the memories, the quirks, the quiet glances and laugh-out-loud moments that made them who they were.
Simply list out what you do know, and make note of where there’s gaps:
- Date & Place of Birth
- Parents’ names and a bit of their backstory
- Siblings, grandparents, wider family constellation
- Schooling, higher education, military service
- Jobs, vocations, or unexpected career turns
- Relationships, marriages, partnerships
- Children or chosen family
- Passions, interests, hobbies, sports teams, volunteer work
- End of life: When, where, and any meaningful details

2. Speak to Others Who Knew Them

Writing a eulogy isn’t about doing it all yourself - it’s about gathering love, stitching it together, and offering it back in honour. While it’s important to write in your own voice and speak from your unique relationship perspective, a eulogy is often more powerful when it weaves in the voices of those who shared in their life.

It can be helpful to reach out to family members, old friends, colleagues, teammates - or even neighbours. Ask: What do you remember most about them? What’s a moment you’ll never forget? What did they teach you? These conversations can be golden. Sometimes people will tell you something tiny - how they always had a stash of lollies in the glovebox, how they’d sign off every phone call with the same sweet phrase, how they’d add a splash of sherry to most things as the worst-kept-”secret” ingredient. Don’t underestimate these little things. They often say more than grand achievements ever could.

If you don’t have time to make all the calls - or you're finding it emotionally overwhelming - sending out a short email can be just as powerful. Here’s a simple template so you don’t even have to think about it:
”I’ve been asked to write the eulogy for XX’s funeral, and I’d really love to weave in different voices and memories from the people who knew and loved them. If you feel up to it, I’d be so grateful if you could have a think and share any stories or moments that hold meaning for you, or even just a few words that capture what XX meant to you. Feel free to call me on XX or email some words to me no later than XX DATE. Thank you so much for helping me paint a fuller picture of their life.”

(BONUS: Even if you don’t use ALL the information that comes your way, receiving these snippets of stories can be such a beautiful and affirming gift. You don’t need to use everything - just let what resonates find its place.)

3. Tell a Story, Not Just a Biography

A great eulogy doesn’t just state facts - it tells a story, and this is where your research really starts to blossom and we start to add colour and texture to those facts you’ve gathered.
Let’s make up an example:
FACT: Mary - born 27th December 1933 in Edinburgh, Scotland.
So let’s get curious, (and this is where Google can be your friend) - but what was life like in Edinburgh in December of 1933. What season were they in? What was the bigger world setting in which Mary was about to arrive - how can we paint a picture and bring this fact to life by adding more context:
e.g.”On the 27th of December, 1933, Edinburgh lay hushed beneath a blanket of winter — its cobbled streets dusted with snow, and the last embers of Christmas still glowing in hearths. It was a time of in-betweens - those slow days after Christmas before Hogmanay - within an era marked by both the shadow of one war and the quiet dread of another. The clip-clop of horse-drawn carts echoed down Princes Street and on the third floor of a modest tenement, tucked away in the winding streets above the Grassmarket, a baby girl was born - the first and much longed for child of Jesse and Robert. Her tiny cry rising into the midwinter air, marking the beginning of a new life, and a new chapter for her young parents. Considered a Christmas miracle by her parents, she was given the name, Mary, a beloved ray of light in the heart of a cold Scottish December.”

See how that paints a picture? Instead of listing details, try weaving them into short, vivid anecdotes that help people see and feel the person’s presence.

Another quick example: instead of simply saying, “Grandad loved fishing,” think about the ritual around the fishing that made it unique to Grandad.
e.g. "Every Saturday morning, before the morning kookaburras fired up, Grandad would pack up his old blue tackle box and head to the banks of his beloved Murray River. He swore by his secret bait - peanut butter on white bread, a trick passed down from his father. Whether he caught anything or not never seemed to matter. What mattered was the quiet, the stillness, and the way he always came home with the animated tale of the one that got away."

4. Find the Throughline

Once you have your facts and collated some milestones and key memories, step back and look for the thread that runs through it all.

What was their essence? What did they believe in, stand for, show up for? Were they the quiet rock? The life of the party? The gentle caregiver? The curious wanderer? The ultimate host? The human sunshine? The quiet encourager?

You don’t need to spell it out, but if you can hold that essence as you write, it will subtly guide the tone and shape of the whole piece. It becomes less about what happened in their life and more about who they truly were - and how their essence shone through in all these different moments of their life.

Using the Mary example again - if we knew that Mary was a warm and bubbly person - this could be the throughline essence we weave throughout, right from her birth…
e.g. ”Mary arrived as a ray of light in the heart of a cold Scottish December — and that light never dimmed. It shone steadily through the decades, warming everyone lucky enough to cross her path. From the cobbled streets of Edinburgh to the shimmering beaches of Sydney, Mary carried her kindness, her humour, and her fierce love of family wherever she went. Her light stretched across continents, lighting up rooms, lifting spirits, and leaving an indelible glow in the hearts of those who knew her.”

5. Let The Quirks Shine Through

This is always my favourite part - the quirks, the habits, the contradictions. The real stuff. The “only-they-would-do-that” kind of moments that made them them. Did they have an unmistakable laugh? A fierce loyalty to the daily crossword? A knack for falling asleep ten minutes into every film? Maybe they ate dessert before dinner, sang off-key with gusto, or believed paw-paw ointment could fix absolutely anything.

These are the memories that make people smile through their tears - and those smiles are healing. Don’t be afraid to include humour if it’s true to them. Laughter doesn’t cancel out grief - it sits gently beside it. It’s often the tiniest details that leave the biggest impression.

For example, instead of simply saying, “Mary loved baking,” you might say: “Mary never followed a recipe, but somehow her scones were always perfect. You’d find her in the kitchen, apron dusted in flour, humming the latest Chappell Roan tune (because you know she always kept up with whatever her grandbabes were listening to). She swore the secret scone ingredient was ‘a pinch of love’ — and to this day, not one of us has been able to measure it quite right.”

These kinds of details breathe life into a eulogy. They make it personal, not generic. They allow people to see and sense the person again, if only for a moment - apron, music, flour and all.

6. Close With Connection: Love & Legacy

A strong closing brings everything together. It offers a moment to honour your loved one’s memory and to inspire others with the legacy they leave behind.

There are a few different ways you can approach this. You might express what you - and others - will miss most about them, or share some of the key lessons they taught you. You could also suggest a simple way for everyone to continue honouring their memory. This final moment might include a quote, a line from a song they loved, a blessing, or just a few heartfelt words that reflect the love you feel and the life they lived.

For example:
“If there’s one thing Mum taught us, it was how to love fiercely and without apology. So today, in Mary’s honour, let’s do what she did best - let’s hold each other close, share a meal, and laugh a little louder, because that’s exactly what she would have wanted.”

Trust that your closing will land deeply with those listening, not because it’s perfectly worded, but because it’s spoken with truth and love. Your sincerity carries more weight than any carefully rehearsed phrase.

Final Thoughts

Writing a eulogy is sacred work. It can be hard and tender and beautiful all at once. Be gentle with yourself. Take breaks. Cry if you need to. Laugh if it comes. And know this: in shaping these words, you are honouring a life - and that is a deeply powerful thing to do.

It doesn’t have to be long or complex - it just needs to be true. If you focus on what made your loved one special and share those details with warmth and honesty, you will create something truly meaningful.